Be happy to walk away from intimate relationship that devalues you

The focus of this write-up would be, strictly, on love affairs. The language would be intimate and mild, this is informed by the fact that majority of the people in the world have the tendencies to love, intimately, at one point in time.

For those that would not have any loving partner – it is either because they are impotent (as males) or because they (both males and females) are aromantic of which J. Salisbury opined that aromantics define themselves as not feeling any or few romantic inclinations towards other people. Quoting Arnold, J. Salisbury said, “For me, being aromantic is simply not having any, or little, romantic attraction. It’s not ‘not having feelings’”.[1]

At the same time, some people would never have any love affairs because of their embrace of celibacy which M. Laaser also refers to as abstinence saying, “Abstinence takes the sexual pressure off…”[2]. In another definition, celibacy is the state of voluntarily being unmarried, sexually abstinent, or both, usually for religious reasons.[3]

It is said that in its narrow sense, celibacy is applied only to those for whom the unmarried state is the result of a sacred vow, act of renunciation, or religious conviction while in a wider sense, it is commonly understood to only mean abstinence from sexual activity.[4]

What should be the goals of every relationship?

While it is not every intimate relationship that would end up in marriage, the truth remains that there is an acceptable disposition from two individuals which would give birth to intimacy and then results into relationship – this period is, usually, known as the initiation stage in which, depending on the prevailing culture of the society where these lovebirds reside, one of them makes a gesture while the other accepts and, then, there is a connection.

Howbeit, for the purpose of sustaining this new relationship, experts have always advised that the partners observe certain things some which are, according to S. Adebara:

Be individually single before entering relationship with each other, be both independent, both should hate divorce, be able to forgive and forget, be humble, possess endurance, be patient (mostly with each other), bear each other’s burdens, keep each other’s secrets, be prayerful (this applies to religious minded partners mostly), be courageous (to face challenges together), be teachable, both should love and fear the Lord, accommodating others, be able to control emotions (individually), both should accept responsibilities, and should be transparently honest, faithful and can be trusted.[5]

In addition to the above, the two partners must be deliberate and not be casual about their relationship – anything short of this will, soon, spell doom on the relationship and might, even, be a pointer to one-sided love affairs which is, definitely, unhealthy.

Implications of abusive relationship

J. Murray explaining that abusive dating relationshipsand dating violence have increased at alarming rates in the last five years, noted that it is estimated that one in three girls will have an abusive dating experience by the time she graduates from high school, saying, “By this conservative figure, more than eight million girls per year in the United States alone will suffer at the hands of a violent boyfriend before their eighteenth birthdays”.[6]

Over the years, abusive relationships have left people battered than they could imagine: in some cases, it had led to the death of both males and females, young and old with little or nothing to be done to perpetrators by the government.

While efforts have been made to avoid direct mentioning of certain abusive relationships, it should be realised that people who find themselves in such relationships really do not want to go out of it for the fear that their abuser would torment them the more, unfortunately, women and teenage girls are mostly at the receiving ends of this kind of relationship and it leaves them, emotionally damaged (if they did not lose their lives in the cause of trying to find lasting solutions, perhaps, out of pity for the abuser who comes begging every time) for their next partners (most of who are genuine about their confessions and would not abuse them but would share in their imbalance).

Furthermore, when people eventually escape from abusive relationship they find it really hard to want to start another relationship and, unconsciously, they tend to be abusive in any next relationship that they get into – this is a proof of a psychological damage from past abusive relationship(s).

Abusive relationship is not the best

Should you find yourself in an abusive relationship? Please, take the courage to seek for advice but in the meantime detach yourself from such relationship immediately. Whoever abuses does not value you, for that reason, you got to place some premium upon yourself until that individual could come back to his/her senses – if not, then take a bow.

The Reach Beyond Domestic Violence listed the various types of abuse in relationships as: Physical, Sexual, Verbal/Emotional, Mental/Psychological, Financial/Economic, and Cultural/Identity: once you are abused in anyone of the manner, walk away immediately (as long as there have not been any marriage between you and the partner). Howbeit, once there is a marriage then the situation is dicey in the sense that God says, “For I hate divorce” (Malachi 2:16).

Here is why you must be able to check the compatibility level of your partner before you, finally, say I do to marriage with him/her: as a Christian divorcing your partner will not be a joking matter. Hence, you must be courageous to walk away while you still can (that is before you could get married).


[1] Josh Salisbury, “Meet the aromantics: I’m not cold – I just don’t have any romantic feelings’”, The Guardian, October 2017: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/oct/11/meet-the-aromantics-not-cold-dont-have-romantic-feelings-sex.

[2] Mark Laaser, Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addicts (Zondervan: ePub), 154.

[3] Wikipedia, “Celibacy”, retrieved on November 21, 2019, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celibacy.

[4] Ibid.

[5]Solomon Adebara, The Family in God’s Plan (Nigeria: Adonai Consult Limited, 1999) , 42-49.

[6] Jill Murray, But I Love Him, (USA: HarperCollins e-books, 2007), 15.

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