Coping when turned down


Everyone has, in one way or the other encountered rejection – with grace consequences on the pace at which the victim(s) progresses.

Rejections mostly spring up, according to a write-up, Rejection: A Loser’s Guide, on Wikipedia, when you are:

  1. Deeply in love
  2. Chasing your dreams
  3. Job hunting
  4. Starting a new venture
  5. Pursing your personal projects, and
  6. Applying for auditioning.

The most categories of rejection that people encounter are: when deeply in love, and when searching for more (good) fortunes.

Imagine when you are in relationship with a person, and suddenly s/he says that s/he is no more interested – at the verge on engagement or when everyone is aware that the two of you are in the relationship and would marry soon: you will become heartbroken for days.

Assuming you were in an interview and after the considerations and interaction – you were told that you could not be employed because you do not have a particular professional qualification: You will become dejected at that.

… Rejection is no man’s friend: Neither should you make it your enemy.

“Rejection comes from Latin, meaning thrown back. When we are rejected, we feel not only halted but pushed back in the opposite direction of which we were headed”. Wikipedia

Scientists from the University of Amsterdam, in a study, found that unexpected social rejection is associated with a significant response of the parasympathetic nervous system.

The Parasympathetic Nervous System is when the body is active or generally in fight or flight mode: One the sympathetic system engages, the heart rate quickens, pupils dilate, and energy is directed towards allowing the body to react quickly. Wikipedia


Since rejection never means well for anyone: its effects will definitely be good to experience.

Rejection could make a person to never put efforts at trying – anymore. Some of its effects are listed below:

  1. Loss of confidence or boldness.
  2. Feeling of incompetency.
  3. Occasional feeling of insecurity.
  4. The victim tends to shut people out of his/her personal affairs and there is tendency to never share the experience with a counsellor.
  5. Tendency of not re-trying with the probability thoughts of failing again.


In spite of these effects: One could definitely overcome rejection and live a fulfilled life. It is however, not an easy task to do.

The scientific finding of researchers at Stony Brook University has proved that getting over a breakup is like getting over an addition to cocaine.

The researchers found that the area of the brain that is active during the pain and anguish experienced – during a breakup is the same part of the brain associated with motivation, reward, and addiction cravings: Brain imaging shows similarities between romantic rejection and cocaine craving.


In James 1:5, the Bible says, “If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him.” AMP

The key leverage you need to overcome rejection is wisdom. The proverb even says that wisdom is the principal thing. Therefore, get wisdom and with all thy getting – get understanding.

This is because, wisdom will guide into everything that you need to do in order to overcome the rejection.


You must seek either professional or church leadership counsel… preferably, you should seek professional counselling – if the rejection has to do with career, but you could seek both professional and church leadership counselling on emotional rejection. In Prov 11:14, the Bible says, “Where no wise guidance is, the people falleth; But in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.” ASV


Whatever situation you find yourself – you must learn how to pray. If you have been prayerful before you encounter rejection, it will not be strange for you to take the issue to God in prayers.

Let me give you this, ‘that you pray before embarking on anything does not mean that you cannot face rejection’. That is why you must be persistent.


The proverb says, “If you fail in the days of adversity, your strength is more”. Hence, no matter the number of time that you face rejection: keep trying until you overcome.

You must not however, do the same thing that makes you fail – over and over again. Learn from your errors; mistakes, and do not repeat them again.


Rejection could show up at any level in one’s life. So, nobody can be totally free from rejection, but we can live better – even with rejections, all around us. We can decide to allow rejection to pull us back and make us dejected or we decide to walk over it.

Our strength to overcome rejection can only be found in Jesus Christ. That is why in Matthew 6:33, Jesus said, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you”. NKJV

You need Jesus to walk through life successfully.

Please say this prayer if you want Jesus to save you:

Lord Jesus, please come into my life. I need you: Come and take charge of my life. Let the blood that you shed on the Cross of Calvary cleanse my from all my sins, right now, and write my name in the book of life in heaven.

Give me the grace to walk with you, all the days of my life, and to be a true witness of your Kingdom.

In Jesus name I pray, amen.

Congratulations: kindly join a church for fellowship and make sure that you have your Bible, which you will read every day. Also, ensure that you pray on daily basis.

May God help you to grow in Jesus name, amen.

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