Two things that determine your marriage partner

The question of ‘how to choose a marriage partner’ will always resurface in both religion and secular circles.

This is because, everyone desires to choose rightly; no one wants to have troubled home or a home in which there is any sort of abuses.

However, a lot of solutions have been postulated for the youths (who are searching for the right partners) – borne out of personal experiences of those who postulated them.

At this juncture, we will like to state that what works for a relationship will not work for another, because the people in one relationship are not the same as those in another – hence, specific solutions are needed for every individual: this is why we have put together, the only (two) things that everyone should confirm in a would be partner before giving in to the request of a relationship – leading to marriage.

Know the type of person you will yoke with

‘Yoke’ in the Jewish culture is a term that describes the putting together of animals to work on a farm land or (generally) to perform a large task together.

With this, you will understand that when two people are married, they become yoked – this is why the Bible encourages Christians to not yoke with people outside God’s Kingdom.

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers [do not make mismated alliances with them or come under a different yoke with them, inconsistent with your faith]. For what partnership have right living and right standing with God with iniquity and lawlessness? Or how can light have fellowship with darkness?”  2 Co 6:14, The Amplified Bible.

Therefore, the first quality that you must be able to confirm in any would be partner is the ‘salvation of the soul’. Unless you are deceiving yourself, you will be able to say that the person you are about to have a relationship with is either ‘born again’ or not. Once the person is not born again, forget about the possibility of converting him/her in your relationship.

The only time the Bible encourages the probability of a husband converting the unbelieving wife or a wife converting an unbelieving husband is when the two have been married before one of them become a Christian. The Bible teaches that couples in this category should not be separated, but if (willingly) the unbelieving partner decided to leave – he/she is free to do so.

What about your compatibility?

The WordWeb Dictionary defines ‘compatibility’ as capability of existing or performing in harmonious or congenial combination, which means that there must be a non-mechanical but synchronised decisions to make each other better, as well as, to make the future to be what will benefit the two people in the relationship.

This does not mean that there will be no efforts toward discussing what each partner desires, but the moment you realise that the other person is not consenting to your values, vision, ambitions, desires, and future plans to become one with yours – you are not yet to settle down. You got to let the person understand what you really need the two of you to achieve, but if there was no result, you just got a genuine reason to move on in life.

To this, Dr. Henry Cloud says, “Getting to the next level always requires ending something, leaving it behind, and moving on. Growth itself demands that we move on. Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they are meant to be, never accomplishing all that their talents and abilities should afford them”.[1]

It should (also) be noted that the would be partner not having the needed financial capacity must not be the reason for avoiding a relationship, rather, support the partner – provided he/she is purpose driven.

You must now take a stand

Having confirmed the status of your would be partner and you are sure that he/she is born-again, your compatibility is not just because you find yourselves in each other’s arms, but that you are (both) driven by purposes of your existence – you need to stick your neck into the relationship and make it work.

Protect your relationship against those who want to offer presumptuous counsels (that have the connotation of ‘God says’) – seeking to separate your relationship on the basis of: financial instability, educational instability, family history (be a person of faith and do not settle for what people say but what God says), personal history of the partner and/or the fact that the person giving counsel is a respected person (from anywhere).

At this point, you must be firm to build a life (through your relationship and make it work): if you did not, someone else will find a life for you, outside what you really need.

Lastly: ensure that you both renew the values of your relationship with resolution to make it work, against all odds. You will fight, you will disagree, but let compassion (motivated by the love of God) bring lasting peace into your relationship or marriage.

[1] Dr. Henry, Cloud, Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward, Pg13.

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