Every person has had one experience to share with his/her intimate partner – whether positive or negative, there is always things to share, and what we experience have a lot of impacts on our worldview.
Fortunately, for those who are positive minded, there is no amount of bad experiences that could influence or hinder one’s purposes on earth from being fulfilled unless a person had resorted to ruminating over the terrible experiences of the past – personally allowing them to hold him/her backward.
I used the words terrible experiences with caution, because the gravities of our experiences are not the same: some faced emotional experiences, others might be psychological, and some others might be finance.
Yet, in all of these – we must, individually, have a family.
Intimate partners have differing backgrounds, experiences
The truth that all of us have some experiences that tend to shape our lives had been established above. When you are, therefore, coming into a relationship with someone – it is expedient for you to know that you will need to share those experiences with your partner, and be prepared to hear those of your partners too.
However, the experiences of your partner may outweigh yours or vice-versa: you must, notwithstanding, learn to handle them (maturely). I believe that before you will ever want to have a responsible person as your partner – you must have been responsible too, but you just must know that you are not what you used to be so that you do not allow your background to determine the life that you want to live.
Kenneth Copeland captured this illustration very well, using Paul the Apostle:
I was studying the Word one day, I noticed 2 Corinthians 7:2 where the Apostle Paul was writing to the church at Corinth and said, “Receive us; we have wronged no man, we have corrupted no man, we have defrauded no man.” When I read this, it startled me, and I said, “Lord, I’ve caught the Apostle Paul in a lie! I know he wronged and defrauded men.
He persecuted the Christians, put them in prison for no legal reason. He stood by and watched as Stephen was stoned to death!” But the Spirit of God spoke to my heart strongly and said, You watch who you call a liar! The man you are talking about died on the road to Damascus!
It will, only, be a self-torture when, after God had forgive your pasts – you are thinking about them, causing emotional stress on yourself and partner (especially): your past is your past, the future is what you should preoccupy your mind and energy with.
Intimate partners are to create their children’s future
Good or bad past records aside, what matters now (that you have a partner to marry) is the future that awaits you, your partner and children (a family).
You and your partner must start to see yourselves from the perspective of the word of God, and build your family around it.
“From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
“All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.
“Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 Corinthians 5:16-21, ESV.
In other words, you need to understand the counsel of God concerning you through His word in order that you may enjoy life to its fullness.
After all, that you have a rough past is not the concern of the children, but it is your responsibility to give them a befitting growing up experiences (good enough) to shape their worldview to becoming better adults.
Therefore, trash the effects of your past negative experiences, and create a better life where you are.